Live Animal

Daimonds and Rust

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 02:29:37 GMT

Mel posted a long blog on myspace about hating change, and I haven't been on here in forever, but I just have to say that I am going to join the current bandwagon of emotion. I HATE change!!!! Life is just so beautiful when it is full of friends who love you, places you know so well, and memories of the hundreds and thousands of things you have done in all of those places with all those friends. And then all of a sudden it is over and you have years of memories that feel like, well you know what Adam Duritz says, "if dreams are like movies then memories are films about ghosts." Except that when you know and love the ghosts and they were or are real, it just hurts to know that in a few weeks or months they will forever after be memories and ghosts.

I am a romantic. A romantic romantic. Mel is an art romantic. Megan is an Urban romantic. Heidy is probably a language romantic. Hana is a rock romantic. And there are a lot of theatre romantics 'round these parts. So when I leave, what if I go to a place where the people aren't romantics. What if they don't live inside dramas or romances or musicals or rock operas? What if they live in action movies, or documentaries? How do you leave a place where you belong? Where you know so many people, and they know you. They know what you are and what you've done. All the good and bad things you've done or that happened. A place where you can't walk to steps without having twenty memories come to mind of thigs you've done in that exact spot. People who aren't romantics see trees and stairs and buildings and streets. Romantics see the secret, safe place under the tree where you used to sit and cry when life got to be too much--you used to go there--before they cut the hedges down. Romantics see the tread of a hundred days of happiness and anger and rebellion and exhaustion going up and down those stairs to class--back when the rooms were painted green and blue and salmon instead of beige. Romantics see the tyranny and hope, the despair and the drive, the thrill and the rage felt in each corridor and rooftop of each building--from the time you didn't get the part or the time you did, or the time you met someone for the first time, or the time you sat eating half a pizza as you poured your heart out to a best friend, or the time you stood up for what you believed in, or the time you didn't, and especially the time a whole roomful of people clapped for you---even though they had no idea that in the room downstairs you had left your shattered heart to pick up later because the show must go on. Romantics see the red agony and the black bitterness and the stronger than steel joy of every emotion you ever had walking down that street that is now filled with a few people you know, so many people you don't know, and a whole host of ghosts belonging to your memories of this place where you belong.

But why do I torture myself with all this? All these memories, golden and glowing and gone. They glow. Glow, which doesn't work as an objective, it's not something you can achieve yourself. Nostalgia doesn't work as an objective either. They aren't strong enough objectives. So how does this nostalgia, these glowing memories, how do they fill up my soul and ache so strongly. I know the future must hold good times and fond memories. But sometimes I wish I could just go back to four year ago. . . . . . . . . .

But we both know what memories can bring, they bring daimonds and rust.

Hey!

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 19:20:15 GMT

So this is mainly for Bridget. Hello Silver!!

So let's see, um, well, my life is pretty exciting at the moment. I am directing Steel Magnolias, and I am almost done with the blocking rehearsals--everything from here on out gets soooooo much better! And I have so many ideas to play with starting on Friday. And I just helped Dave film an awesome movie!!! And I am the, well, not really the star, but I am a stalker. And really one day, Dave is going to be a Cameron Crowe, in that, if you work with him, he will make you look brilliant. Oh, and I gave in and I sold my soul. Although not really. I don't check it often, because I am still rebelling against the whole idea, but I got a myspace. ONLY because of Mel and her music. So yes. My empty lifeless soul can be found at www.myspace.com/mikaelashiraki. Sad, isn't it. But I will hold out forever on the cell phone thing, and even more than that. . . . I WILL NEVER OWN AN IPOD!!!!!!!!! I really think that this next era is going to be a generation of complete loners. Only interacting with objects smaller than a hand.
Well, I have to go memorize a scene, but before I go, I will just say that, I love Steel Magnolias. But my favorite, favorite, favorite play, maybe in the world, except that I don't want to say that because that is saying so much . . . . I think might be . . . .The Mad Woman of Challot. I love it, I love it. I came across it by accident and read it and then Zach showed me the movie, and I love it. One day I WILL direct that show!!!!
Mark my words. I WILL.

Quote of the Day: "If you can swallow a sword--you can swallow a sandwich"

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 22:22:12 GMT

What type of weather are you?

Rain

You are rain. Misunderstood. No - You arnt gloomy! You're romantic and

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 20:11:23 GMT

You're Anne of Green Gables! Spirited, imaginative
and kind-hearted, you love everyone and
everyone loves you.

Read more about Anne Shirley in L.M. Montgomery's
ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, ANNE OF AVONLEA, and ANNE
OF THE ISLAND.

Which L.M. Montgomery Heroine are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

A HUMDINGER, FOLK SINGER, DEAD RINGER

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 16:41:54 GMT

So Mel finally got some music on her myspace music thingy---check it out!!!
It's only the old stuff off the BSW Band cd, but still, it's up--next step, recording the new stuff. But really, go listen to her music its awesome!!

www.myspace.com/melissabraninmusic

aloha??

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 15:37:34 GMT

The sadness is overwhelming. Megan and derek left. I am sad enough to brave lj one more time. DC is a must. And I can't wait for our pictures to come. Oh, I love people. I love them. Especially awesome people. I miss all the times. Every year of my college career has been completely different, and this year is the best and the worst. I just miss all of the people that were my life.
Nostalgia is so bittersweet. Thanks a lot mel for playing fields of gold or whatever that song is called. Right when Megan and derek are walking out the door.
I can't wait for Heidy to come back.
Geez, this weekend left me so torn, and nostalgic and ....I don't know, vulnerable or something. Maybe I should write some poetry. I haven't in months.
or I should probably just get some homework done. Yeah, probably that one.

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 22:18:22 GMT

So Carbonleaf definitely wraps up my semester and the song lyrics--wow.
Listening to these songs, I couldn’t get over how much they stood for each of you, so I write them to you. From me-----and carbonleaf.

for Bridget--about to get a new job, get married, in SLC, a real life, the responsible one who is always ready to play

IN search of some rest In search of a break from a life of tests, something's always at stake...
what about my life so far what about my dream what about everything
what about the moon and stars....
get away and come with me, come away with me and we'll see if I was right
on that night that a future was made
before time takes each year like a knife cuts it clear
its school then work and then life that just sharpens the blade
I think about time for fun I think about time for play then I think about being done with the resume
with no one left to blame what about fortune and fame
what about your love to attain what about the ring
what about everything .....

for Hannah,whose luck is sketchy and hates resorting to hope, but to who I wish all the best, you don't have to do it all yourself, you have friends who love and will help you.

My name is luck this is my song
I happened by when you were gone
well I apologize that I could not stay but I hope that good things swing your way
I know they will .... the best of luck to you
from the stable running brave from the cradle to the grave
this is my day this is my song
I am alive what can go wrong
if we're on on our way okay let me know
if were on our way okay than lets go
my name is hope luck just ran out
he said he'd return without a doubt
but don't you believe him
I happened to have a message from love
she told me she know what you've been dreamin of
my name is hope this is my song
when things go wrong
through the windswept countryside across the great divide
from the stable running brave from the cradle to the grave
this is my day this is my song
as long as I'm alive what can go wrong

for Amaree—who lives life so beautifully, who I will love till I die.

Raise the roof that I might see the stars
To gain wisdom to see things for what they are
Dance till you fall, love till you die…..raise the roof
Trapped in this snare with too much dreaming to bear
Fearful and frantic, hopeless and a romantic
Inspired but tired I run this wide open course
Dance till you fall, love till you die…. Raise the roof
The wisest advice to me that I didn’t teach
Was to lock up the heart but keep the key within reach
Dance till you fall, love till you die….raise the roof

For Melissa—another great lyricist wrote “ She said, ‘I was looking for you.’ I said, ‘Well what did you find ‘cause I’ve been on that search myself for such a long time.’” You will find yourself. Somewhere between the apple blossoms and the stars.

Not been here since I was a boy
The sky unwrapped the world my toy
A movie reel a million miles long
On and on
Scene after scene passes by my life
The window is a wound the road is a knife
The irony ask me where have you been
I don’t know I don’t know
Because I don’t know where to begin
Too much to do, too much to see
Pictures to take, people to meet
When there’s so much space in between
It overwhelms me
Scene after scene passes by my life
The window is a wound the road is a knife….
Not been her since I was a boy
Now a heart full of fear and a mask of painted joy
So much for these youthful eyes to see
So much for peace and tranquility
One prairie outpost you are how I feel
Alone in a flatland ‘tween a dream and a reel
The irony ask me where have you been
I don’t know I don’t know
Because I don’t know where to begin

My song

Chase the high ground, where you’d rather be, where you might be found, face all aglow to leave from here to pack up and go, but it takes some time to get away, you will have to build from what remains, to run it takes the courage of a lamb, to love the fierceness of a storm, Paloma you wonder if you’ll miss the thunder, and everyones staring but no one is caring for you now, just spread your wings and latch onto the breeze, just take the lead and you’re free, chase the higher ground where you’d rather be, where you might be found, this move may erase the troubles in your head, or expose the absence of your soul and so it takes some time to get away, you will have to tear down what remains, and I can’t stand by for good byes, so hold on to me or lead the way, paloma you wonder if you’ll miss the thunder… pace yourself when outrunning fear, take cover when its dark and keep an even keel, in your world your only a phone away, but in my world you’re too far to feel, and it may take some time to learn what’s real, you may have to beg and borrow and you will surely steal, remember all those lonely sessions turned into yesterdays lessons to never forget love, paloma you wonder if you’ll miss the thunder, everyone’s staring but no one is caring for you now, just spread your wings and latch onto the breeze, just take the lead and you’re free. today I watched the greatest thing of all, a flock of birds preparing for the fall

For everyone---and then I will be done with the brilliance of carbon leaf, sorry for the length, but I hope you appreciate the sentiments, I LOVE carbon leaf, and I love all of you. Eeeesh, enough with sappy sentiment. Merry Christmas everyone and here’s the one last song.

Love endures it clings away when asked to leave it begs to stay
like the perfect song and imperfect times it’s the way the chords struck with the rhymes so let your troubles roll by
he knows he can help himself he can tell by a look at the books on his shelf ….
And she dreams of sunflowers bent over frozen in the snow…
but then plays her life back in slow motion to keep in touch with that raw emotion …
when all of your tears dry let your troubles roll by
Like new year’s eve tonight’s underway
but tomorrow you’ll wake up afraid of the day
‘cause underneath the scars of your broken dreams
an undone war still wages and stings
you fear that you will bow like a breeze
through a rainbow you swear is there but you can’t grab ahold
so you sit and cry and wonder why
when all of your tears dry let your troubles roll by
so many cities and windows and lives
and through each one theres a soul that strives to survive
so pay no mind my sorrow’s fine the day is alive and that’s why I cry
it’s a new year toast grab your list to conspire…
you’ve come far and though you’re far from the end
you’re right where you are cause you know where you’ve been ….
like a dead devil sailor washed up on the shore
with nothing of note but the old captains coat
and a burnin boat you just sank with your salty tears dry let your troubles roll by
when all of your tears dry let your troubles roll by

Here’s to a glorious semester next year.

Made it down the coast in 17 hours.

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 18:48:05 GMT

So, yesterday I made it up from Dallas in 17 hours almost exactly. Including all stops. Got in about four. So I never really want to do that drive ever, ever again. Four times in a month.
So I got here, and had Hess drive me to Mel's--thats where my car was. I sort of had a feeling that becca would have locked the door. But mel had left the window open so I climbed in and looked for my keys. They weren't on her desk and Becca had definitely turned the heat off so the house was a frigid 36 degrees, so I slept on their couch. My feet were so cold I couldn't sleep for hours. And all I could think about was the missing. The missing of mi gentes. Eessh. I still haven't checked grades. And this semester has really, really changed things. Like my whole life. Interesting.
So this morning I discovered my keys on the front seat of my car. I had sort of known they would be there. Actually, I really think I knew they were there as we drove in with Hess, but I think I wanted to sleep in Mel's house---it was just one more night before I had to really really accept that the glory and the hell of this semester was really over. excuse the language.
So the love of Hess though!!!!! Yes, i am really honestly three cd's richer now. Good, good music on the road trip. He definitely burned me a jet cd. Because I have been missing it soooooo bad. And then he introduced me to carbon leaf, and I LOVE them. love. love. and he gave me that one, and are you all ready, because I don't think you are. you will never guess which cd he owns, and that I am now the proud owner of. Let me just say that it rocks my socks all to peices. yup-----velvet revolver.
and that is all I have to say.
So I have lots of good music to listen to while I am moving all my stuff over Christmas break. Although, I don't know how I am really going to live without Jane Eyre and Thoroughly Modern Millie, it is going to be difficult. I am thinking about getting sunday in the park with george. I haven't bought any musical music in so long, and I want something new. I think the only song I know is the one Lauren sang---tell me on a sunday. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
enough rambling. I hate the computer lab.

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 12:11:57 GMT

going crazy.note the time.I just want the one phone number. I stopped counting how many people I have woken up twenty minutes ago. Why did I never memorize Bridgets cell.why.

Forewarning: this is as honest as it gets, if you are going to be offended don't read this.

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 21:11:53 GMT

I guess I can 86 the illusion that Live journal would be any easier this time around. Let's not any of us slip into the trap of vague allusions to issues. Bridget, Hannah, and Mel, if any of you are mad, have anything to say, have been hurt--whatever, come talk to me. I don't currently have any issues with any of you, so if you want to say anything you are going to have to find me. I am not going to apologize for existing any more. For having desires or trying to live up to too many people's expectations and failing miserably. I apologize for posting this on lj, I wouldn't do it except, well, it just seems to be the approved method. It began as funny and entertaining, it has long since lost that facade. Hannah, I am sad that you had such an awful time yesterday. It was my father's birthday. He turned 50, I had a lovely time with my family, and I hope that me being with you today showed that I do care. But I do not apologize for spending the evening with my family. Bridget, if you have any issues with that please let me know. I have been informed already that both of you feel slighted by how I spend my time recently. However, the fact that you feel slighted makes it a lot more difficult for me to want to spend time with you. I love you both. period. I am my own person, I acknowledge that I need to be better about calling when plans change, I am working on that. Don't feel shafted when I have other obligations, or when i want to do things that you don't want to do. WE are all different and have different interests as well as some of the same.

As long as I am being perfectly frank to the point of painful. Amaree and Elizabeth, I love the both of you. I never intended anyone ever to be a 'phase.' I cannot be everything to everyone no matter how much i want to be. I treasure all my friends, but it has been a long time now that I base my whole life on what someone else wants me to do, or be. I want to make my friends happy, and it just really clicked that I can't live making others happy by erasing pieces of myself. I wish I was able to call everyone everyday, and spend all my spare time with each person. I should be better about it, but i can't be everything. I wish so manythings. I wish so many things hadn't happened. I wish I had called Hannah yesterday. I wish I'd called Amaree and/or Elizabeth hundreds of more times this semester. I wish I could watch lotr with Bridget everyday, I wish I could play guitar with Mel or call all of the friends who aren't here everyday, or everyweek. I can be better and I will try. I will not be selfish, but I am not going to continue being someone I'm not for other people. I am not going to do things I don't want to, don't need to, and are detrimental to the things I need for other people anymore. I have thoughts, opinions, and things that are important to me, I know that some of the things that are important to me aren't as important to others, or seem miniscule or dumb with regard to others issues. However they are important to me, and as of now, I will acknowledge that and not be convinced otherwise.

With regards to friendships, I am not going to be vague anymore, and if I want to, or need to be somewhere or do something, not condoned by any friend of mine, I am going to do it. Not that I won't give and take, but if it is important to me, I am not going to let anyone make me feel guilty about letting myself be the main character in my own life.

I don't think friends always agree, they don't have to, they don't have to always want the same thing or have the same priorities. Anyone hurt or offended by any of this, or confused, or feel like I was vague at any point, please come talk to me.
If you do feel hurt, or offended, I will do everything within my power, within the confines of who I really am to help you feel better. If you still choose to be hurt, I will be sad, but that is your choice. There are fundamental things about who I am that I am constantly overriding so that I can make others happy. I will still try to make my friends happy, but if anyone has issues with the fundamentals of me, it is definitely an issue that should be addressed in person.

It is not my desire to attack anyone or make anyone feel bad, but i like enjoying live journal, I like enjoying life, and I love my friends, in order for me to do all these things, some things are going to have to change. Please do not post any vague accusations or guilt trips on livejournal about me. Anyone. Come tell me in person. I am not angry, I am just done.
Mikaela

on second thought, .....or third............or fourth

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 05:17:26 GMT


absurdist theatre is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

for hannah

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 05:04:56 GMT


live_animal is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 20:25:43 GMT

Oregon is beautiful--I didn't know Lauren was an oregonian too. Whoa. This side of the country has a suprising amount of people who have been in BV. This morning I went running. Four miles. Not long enough to be exhausted, but long enough to be blissfully out of breath. It was misting the whole time, I'm not sure it ever stops. But oh, the views. I am a cloud person, perhaps because they too are made of water, but I will never tire of looking at clouds and the clouds here are magnificent ever changing works of living art. Darks and lights, blue sky. I love it. Emilie's house is beautiful too. NOt at all what I would have expected, but the more I see her family in it the more it makes sense, in a weird sort of way. Its just so modern. The angles, the space, the decoration. The lamps, it was really odd the first time through. I guess I just expected something cozier and softer. Oh, but they do have one room, my favorite--come to find out its Emilie's favorite too. Oh, they have a wood chess table, comfy chairs bookshelves filled with old family treasures. An old timey phone. It is beautiful.

ON the way back to her house after my run I stopped by a field of grass. I wanted to run through it, but it wasn't my field so I couldn't. I had visions of a certain red-haired girl and a delinquint cow come to mind. So instead of creating havoc in the fiels I stripped several feet of roadside of the wildflowers. Deep blue and purple, bright yellow, and a faded old timey red maroon sort of color, and then walking up Emilie's long driveway escorted by the twin lines of walnut trees on either side I imagined it a secret path. At the end an enchanted cottage where I would escape all the world and live happily forever. It wasn't hard to imagine either, Emilie's dad is a wonder with flowers--I am talking amazing. I was far far away--until..... You know, you would think that geese and chickens, a turkey, a few dogs etc. would add to the atmosphere of the dream, unfortunately, the squawk, honk, bark, and jump on you. So I am afraid the last part of my walk in Oz turned into a rather ungraceful hop/skipping sort of a shuffle run into the house.

Such is life.

Hello everyone.
Dave I miss you too!!!--But keep that Mrts thing under wraps!~ hey, do you still have that DVD from when you took it to the Stoddards? Did you ever burn that other cd for me? I will be seeing you this summer.

Allens, the love.

Amaree thanks for the epiphany.

to all, I'll be seeing you--sometime.

keiks?????

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 16:31:25 GMT

Life always changes. Always. Sometimes good sometimes bad, sometimes it just changes. Sometimes life doesn't change, you change. Sometimes the pain of changing hurts so bad you can't cry, you just lie in bed thinking about it for hours. Regret is awful.

I'm in Oregon!! Well actually washington currently, but anyway I am here. Keri is great--now that I arrived. I love it here, it is so pretty--the gas prices are through the roof. 2.37 to 2.50 aaahhhhhhhhh! Be grateful Virginia-ites. The wedding is Saturday and until then i merely keep Keri happy. Which is easy, we really do get along very well, and we are roomates for the time being--I never thought that would happen. Her bridal shower was yesterday--she got amazing, amazing things. And all her pots and pans are red, and she got a red tea kettle, and a beautiful, beautiful picnic basket. Oh, i ache to think of them. It made me want to get married just to be able to set up house.

I must be off now.

Note for Amaree:
Lesson: Excess means you have no regrets in the moment.
Balance means you have no regrets in the future.

Penny Lane

Tue, 11 May 2004 21:30:23 GMT

So how do you really tell what you really want to do? completely rhetorical question, but I don't. Maybe I'll write the play someday. You know, there are millions of possibilites for windows. Arches, round, just an arch at the top, diamond, wide, bay, the list goes on. Green glass. Huh, a recurring theme. Green glass marbles, green glass bottles, green glass windows.

W&L library. When it fails me I know I should just stop trying for awhile, quit, go home, take a shower, spend a dollar-- no more......, I can come back, it isn't likely to fail me twice. Just when I'm not in the mood to ask for help, and I can't remember what an authors name is. I am getting so nervous. I am starting to have nightmares of .........I had better not say. A new life. What I wouldn't give to have a new life. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

The notes run through my head and I think of the succeeding scene and i wonder why I love it so much. Not necessarily the scene, but the beauty of the plot. And find the irony of the wish in my life. Summer looms. Indecision hovers. The woods engulf me. I should go for a long walk. To my home. An internal walk. The river there is calling to me. But I may be losing the art of hearing what it is trying to tell me. It bubbles in an undecipherable minor key.

I really am crazy.

Tue, 11 May 2004 01:28:55 GMT

No ifs ands or buts. I am. And not in a good way, but apparently I'm not the horrible person I sometimes think I am. I'm still not sure about the random wisdoms of a certain new friend of mine. Feeling bottled is interesting. You see things in a distorted green light. Well, providing the bottle you are in is green. Mine currently is, which is very interesting--seeing as how A)I am not such a fan of green, and B) this has never happened to me before in green.
I am thinking I may escape to North Carolina. I don't have enough money for anywhere else. I can't tell if I need to disappear, pull a Penny Lane, and be a different person for the summer, or if I need to stay here and continue the internal combustion process that may eventually lead to something. Quite a few options. None bad. more or less money. Too many loyalties in too many places. And as a future Russell Crowe said--I should just do what I want to do. But I don't know what I want to do. I just want it to be an adventure. I think I am going to develop a Penny Lane complex. Hmmmmmmmm..... I don't know if I should guard against it or not.

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 02:48:16 GMT

Darn Shameless!!!!! And Devin!!!! But it was beautiful--if sad. I hate reminders on that subject. I love the color green--when it is grass. And I love grass after rain. I am going to go crazy before this week is out. Too much to do, and not enough time. All the finals I have to take are on saturday, and I am supposed to work that day. Colorado is starting to sound real nice. Did you know that the scientific name for lead is plumbum. I love water. It does distort things though. I have to run tomorrow, ta ta.

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 20:07:09 GMT

I love singing butlers. I've actually never met one, but I've been walking around in the rain with a few. And I am so happy. Still a ten page paper ahead of me, but I still have a few days. Yikes!!!! ANd after that--FREEDOM!!! Which reminds me of a great movie..... speaking of which, my friends in Ireland want me to come back-I can't --no$, but they want me! Life is beautiful, and the military is great......well, not really, but hey, they do sing and play video games. All they have to do is make their beds correctly in the morning, Sheesh, I just remembered about the Diagnostic, I had better get on that, well here goes!

Quote of the day: I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to fall down at your door.......80 minutes, knock yourself out.

Uncanny!!

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 03:37:55 GMT

Heidy-hooooooooooo! Fun, fun, fun. I keep amazing myself with how incredibly fun life is. And uncanny. Hotel California at random gas stations on the way home from dropping Heidy off. And no doughnuts. Once someone asked me if bread was bigger money than dough. I laughed. The color red. RED. Dresses!!!!!!!!! I just am so happy. Wow, the portland temple is beautiful. Isn't the internet a wonderful thing. Once in London I sang on a bus. And I am going to be dressed in red. Bridesmaids. Too bad fashions are ugly these days. Oh, I almost died. And then i laughed because I didn't. Wow, I really almost died. So close. inches. And tires sliding. And its just a good thing that Heidy had a date with one of the largest amusement parks in the world just outside of Cleveland. And Keri's gonna be a mother in Zion. Good thing. And I guess I have a few things going for me too. Taco Bell. Is messy. I swear one of these days I am going to know every fast food place from Lexington to any surrounding airports. It'll happen. Hmmm. And Cracker Barrel. . . . A certain evil laugh--Ha Haaaaaa. A stalker persona. Life is beautiful. And inspiring. And fun. Drink up me hearties, YO HO!!!

A testament to tears--hee, hee, hee

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 15:35:06 GMT

Today the happiness is simply overwhelming. I really am just flying. Life is just so beautiful. It is a beautiful day, I have fun, and service planned in to my day. No worries, its fun service. Kind of. ANd I am going running with Jana. But really, I'm just ecstatically happy for no reason.
The external goods in my life are really down to nothing currently, I don't get to see or talk to anyone much, but I am just so bewilderingly happy. The mountains out the window are hazy, and I have a whole beautiful life ahead of me.

I love trees, even dead ones. Against the sky. Their branches kind of twist and cross and it is just so fascinating.

Looking down the broad expanse
like some bold seer in a trance
seeing all his own mischance
with a glassy countenance
she look'd down to Camelot
At the closing of the day
she loosed the chain and down she lay
The broad stream bore her far away
The Lady of Shallot

That is completely from memory and I'm sure some of it is wrong.
But I love it.I think I may have left out or added a line.

Alone

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 23:24:32 GMT

It is really funny how alone you can feel sometimes, and detached, and confused. Life and people are just confusing. On the other hand, pain medication has a detaching effect anyway. And I become uncoordinated as well. But no pain.

I hate TV. I am very behind in a couple of my classes. I am studying all day tomorrow. Rehearsals for my one act are going very well. I love it. Rehearsals are the time of the day when I come awake. I just love it.

I had a quote of the day, but I can't remember.

Sir Walter Raleigh

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 21:04:51 GMT

So I just have a couple of quick questions.

Exactly what happens to my world if Shakespeare was really some undercover government agent who paid off the secretary of state to create a living penname....and if Alexis de Tocqueville was just 'some guy from France.'

Wouldn't it be awesome to be undercover and go on secret missions and just disappear occasionally and become someone else? And live some place like the Biltmore estate and have oodles of secret passages to use and disappear into. ANd amaree went there in sixth grade. In sixth grade I don't think I went to anywhere but Galveston.

They don't compare.

I really enjoy mystique. And I wish I had more of it in my life. On the other hand with people like Prof. Dransfield around its almost the same. He thinks I uphold the mystique of the Shiraki's, he has also stated that I put the 'rock' in Shiraki, and he thinks I'm brilliant. Its so nice to have applause boxes. Everyone needs a few. You always need people who know you really well and your history and your failings and successes--but it is so nice to just have a few people who don't really know you all that well, and who just think you are wonderful. ANd have a mystique about you.

Today has been a very Oz-ish day. Wonderful. ANd I didn't really do anything for it. Not tramps in the woods, not a wonderful book, it just kind of has been. Not hazy and miserable like last week, but misty and beautiful.

AND-----MY CAT ATE THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, the chipmunks are going to have to be taken out--all four of them. They are complaining. But at least before they disappear completely, at least they will have one last big showing.

Before London--oh, but I am taking a trip to Australia today. I thought I wouldn't be able to till Friday, but some unexpected things happened and well, I got lucky. Or maybe its just that I did my Philosophy homework.

Sorry Amaree if I am jerking you through my thought process.

I talked to Heidy for just *ahem* a minute last night. Memories. Isn't it great that we are living in the good old days right now!! Its always been a goal to be able to look back and say --I knew it when I had it. I am definitely not a --I just never appreciated it, I always wanted to be older.

Oh, if Anonymous is Whitney, I didn't mean to offend. But I do stand by what I said--except the shut up--wasn't there some famous person who said that they don't confine themselves to misery, and keep themselves there, but they do take the time to really experience every emotion, i think it does get over faster that way than if we hide and resist it anyway.

Life is just so full, and just so marvelous.

Unless you are a philosopher.

Oh, and Sir Walter Raleigh is the one who wrote the reply to The Passionate Shepherd to his Love.

Quote of the day: Hi, I have a cow on my shoulder, you'd think someone would at least ask me if they take it for me or something.

So upon reading this over. Heidy don't laugh at my 'couple of quick questions.' And i have a running theme of disappearance--hmmmmm.....

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 16:06:50 GMT

Well, life never ceases. Although sometimes you just wish it would. The Austins are my sanity here.

I just made a scene in Institute. I promised myself on the walk over to landrum that I wouldn't. But I walked in and saw Bishop A and I lost it. So I turned around to go and he came out and it was bad. ANd then it was my day to conduct class, and I was all red and I couldn't stop crying, but my darned sense of humor kicked in and so I was half laughing at myself and hating myself for making a scene, and it was horrible. I have never been hysterical before. I hope it never happens again.

Life. Elder Holland says every cloud has a silver lining, if he wasn't a prophet I would disagree.

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 18:07:11 GMT

Cody just tried to convince me that some german philosophy guy has an infallible theory of why there can't be a god. I can, he, I aaarrgh!!!!!! I ohhhhh! And then I couln'dt he wouldn't even, I aaaaahhhh!
Okay. that was upsetting.

hmm. I love voices. change of subject. And robert stoddard is opening up a whole new world to me that is intriguing and exciting.

I'm not really nervous about into the woods. I am going to audition for the part I want and do my best. But I am not counting on getting it. I am in fact, not really counting on being in the show. I havent' been cast for so long I really don't think that I will now, but Iam actually fairly excited about building set and all that. Little Shop was such a blast, and I missed out on a huge portion of the drama.

life is good today. I am still behind, but I will catch up. I love bananas. Which is a really funny statement ,because really, I don't like them a whole lot, but right now I do. And I love life and everything. ANd--well, I'll save that for another post.

I'm late for class.

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 01:47:28 GMT

darn, darn, darn, i just attempted to post and it got lost!!!! I hate that!!!!

Well, the very short version is that I went to goodwill today and amaree was there and i found some leather mary janes and it is so exhilarating to wear fun clothes.
and there was a lot more, but I can't remember

darn!!!

I really want to watch the man from snowy river, I've never seen it and amaree says its in Australia!!

AAAAAAAaaaahhhhhh!
i hate losing posts!